Things are really coming up with the Moon energy appearing in this moment. Inside my Self there is so much rage, so much anger towards the community (while recognizing that it is both an aspect of the Self *and* that ALL beings are in it, Collectively processing the detritus that we must to embody Heaven on Earth).
After I do the video, I am Led to witness Oliver Huntley’s LIVE video, talking about the wounds that we endure as children, honestly presenting his vulnerability to the People. There is nobility in this. As he speaks, it soothes me, a little. Yet such softness towards the experience has not been my default. Rather, my movement is Fire towards what must be endured on the Quest and action to change it. Perhaps if I had the supportive, loving community that allows such softness it would be different, and yet, such was not the nature of my dharma.
Such brings up a lot for me. It is not lost on me that we are ALL in the process of this change, that we ALL have our inner alchemies relative to our lens of Self and it’s gravity, serving the function that we do for the Collective. The tears and soft words, however noble, are distant for me in this Now. Mine has been a realm of deserts, of mountains and lightning, far removed from the realms where such softness is considered a social commodity. While I recognize and honour the unfoldment that has produced such authenticity of expression, the temperance of my Sword and Cup has been quite different. Though I have, at times, engaged in the ‘talking circles’ and ‘sharing our wounds’ with the People, ultimately the short-term release did not produce the intimacy of relationship or the results of personal transformation that I wanted, I was not heard, or if heard, was met with meaningless and valueless platitudes, band-aids and emotional well-wishes that, however good intentioned, did nothing to transform the root of the circumstance.
And that was terribly lonely. I longed for support and connection, trying over and over to “play by the rules”of such realms of being, to find a way to deliver the Gift of the Mythica to the People, and felt unreceived. In my version of Oliver’s valiant presentation on his childhood wounds, mine were of simply being unseen and unreceived, a Deva in the human plane without the imprints (sanskara) that make up form and thus having little resonance with the most basic aspects of mortal Life. It has been a pattern that has weighed heavy on me all my human Life, one that no one else could help me with, for they could not understand or relate, only ‘hold space’. And while I appreciated this deeply, it did very little to change anything.
So I got stronger. At least, in the definition of “strength” that I am in wielding with. I learned that I had to rely on myself and my relationship with God, eventually coming to see that most beings could not even *conceive* of what I was experiencing, much less offer an authentic reflection that had any real resonance.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t ‘hold space’ for it. I do. In the deepest of ways. I listen. I wait. I engage. My healing skills are REAL. It’s just for me, with the constant beatdown by the Universe demanding I rise to the pristinity of inner alchemy, I have been tempered by Fire and Earth more than Water and Earth.
And so, in the nigh-endless effort to clear the distortions within the Self, I honour Oliver’s appearance in the field and invoke the textures of Water. Water is in many ways the balance to my Aspect of Fire. Such occurs for me as the reason for the arrival of such embodiments of that vibrational quality in the form of avatars like Dakota Chanel, Yeshua Lucis and others, in which they required the vibration of Fire passing through my Aspect to balance out their own inner lens. It is in these relationships that I strive, in good technique, to take on the qualities that will aid in my own balance, to heal the wounds and distortions within such that I may break free of the prison of scarcity of Love and receive the Abundance that is our Collective birthright.
And it is not easy. To have borne the dharma of going through forty years in the desert to achieve the Attainment that gives riseto the Mythica has been brutal. Not without rewards, yet brutal nonetheless. I remember the many, many, MANY times I witnessed other avatars engaged in cuddle puddles, in oxytocin-rich environments of mutual recognition while I struggled with the relentless demand for clarity in God’s purposing. I feel how it broke my Heart to be unreceived over and over, and I hold space for that, for my own inner childe, my own noble Hero who has fought and forgiven his way across the many realms of the Akasha in service to God.
Ultimately, I see the reason for it. I see that an avatar HAD to go through that, in order to have the Shivic clarity that goes beyond the ‘these are my wounds’, ‘let’s talk about it together’ kind of processing. That was tempered by the feral nobility of the Moon, the Lightning and the Land, facing the Shadowlands of my own inner trials with only my Wolf by my side. Such a thing has produced real siddhic attainment, in which the Gift of the Mythica at long last comes to bear. And so, in accordance with the physics of the quest and the incentive to prove that by clearing the inner World our outer manifestation changes, I gird myself once again for the next round of inner clearing in efforts to reach the realm of Love and Collective resonance that I intend. I am thankful for brother Oliver’s presentation, for such a display of that aspect of the redeemed Masculine is as necessary as my own, serving it’s right-function for those ordained to receive it’s delicate and vulnerable pollen.
In closing, I remind myself that the Mythica IS OPENING at last. The videos with Yeshua are flush, the designs are flowing through, and beings are gradually signing up and subscribing. While the issues with the computer are shockingly frustrating with the seeming necessity of working on the site, I must accept God’s ordinance, find Peace with it, and continue my inner ministrations to Victory.
The Quest continues.
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