As I awoke this morning I discovered that the payment for web hosting the Mythica and that of Adobe had defaulted. As it happened, rage filled me. Deep frustration with the circumstances demanded by the Quest. A clenching, tight and hollow feeling happened in my root, feeling unsupported and ungrounded. It is an issue I have had my entire life. This leads into a hours-long rant of frustration, of wanting to have the Mythica subscriptions fulfilled, of feeling as though the great Value that I embody is finally received by the World.
I try to relax into it, but to no avail. Patterns of feeling unrecognized move through my form, tasting like bitter ashes. Even now, recalling it from the dusk of the day, it hurts. I remind myself that it is only in the last couple of weeks that the Mythica has finally been dialed enough to set up the subscriptions, yet such only brings up another wave of rancor at the tremendous challenge it took to fulfill the dharma given to me by the Presence, how alien the mortal plane has been for me, how frustrated I have been with the necessity of compassion and tolerance for the splinters within my own Self and that of others.
Yet, I remind myself, this is the mission. My nose wrinkles as I consider it, as if I have smelled something distasteful. Thankfully, Samson was there to help me ground out the energies while Yeshua, also feeling the question of being received in our Value, goes for a long walk. Not for the first time I consider how ironic it is that I, who have come here in service to God, have had such huge contest and grievance with the human condition. It amazes me that for all the attainments that I have earned, how much anger, how much rancor, sits within the channels of my blood and bone.
As I told Samson, it would be much easier if we were not constantly concerned over the most basic aspects of the root chakra. If I had been allowed to do anything but the Mythica in service. I find myself weary of the constant application of ‘Manifestor’ consciousness, of Deva Yoga, of Forgiveness and other acts in effort to transform the causal vibrations of what has seemed a prison.
Yet there is great movement forward. As the storm passes, I sit back with the Mythica, feeling her pulsing out the tone of magick and Awakening, her aspect finally clarified enough to support the subscriptions and the blossoming enterprise of redemptive media. As I do this, things clear. Not completely, but enough to see once again that what I have created is epic. Legendary. That the intention, to amplify the voices of the avatars I have been ordained to witness and transform the way we interpret our sacred Stories, is a fine thing. The Value is there, of this I have no question. And while anger at feeling unmet by much of the so-called ‘intentional’ community burns, there is solace in the brotherhood of both Yeshua and Samson, a feeling of being Seen, at long last, for the deva that I am.
In the evening, we ask Samson to lead us through some of the yoga’s and rejuvenate techniques that are his bright attainment. As I move through the postures, agitation rises, the olde wound of relationship with the Earth plane. For so many years I could not function in this place, so centered was my awareness in the subtle planes that lay beneath the surface of the World. Finding such difficulty in navigating the material plane, I focused into what I was good at, the fruit of which became the attainment into the nature of Self and the formation of the Mythica.
It is not easy. Having done so much work in stabilizing my awareness, I am reticent to face the material reality of going into my body and healing that which aches to be resolved. Yet, I remind myself, documenting that journey, the clearing of the aspects of the Self and the attainment of sovereignty, proving the journey across the rainbow road to a brighter reality, is the foundation of the Journey Home and that of the Mythica. So, swallowing the judgments and frustrations of Self, I remind myself of the bright accomplishment of the Mythica and face the Earth one more time.
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